Vulnerability and the F Word (It's Not What You Think)

Confession time. I once prided myself on the ability NOT to feel. I thought the less I felt, the stronger I would be. I found freedom in stoicism. Life was busy, who had the time to let the mushy stuff get in the way?

Feelings (the big scary F word) were for other people, not for me.

How did that serve me? Well, not that well. It created a barrier. I was emotionally isolated. I shut people out, and I let people believe I was okay. Deep down there was a sadness I couldn’t tap into, a lack of self-worth, a feeling of less than, but it was all masked in a permanent smile with a can-do attitude. This state of being “served” me until I had my first daughter shortly after my 31st birthday. Any ounce of control disappeared in a puff of baby powder the day she was born. Being a mom to a newborn was so hard. I was so lonely. I crashed. I crashed deeper than I ever had before.

The biggest obstacle (beyond the hormonal rollercoaster of anger and sadness and the identity crisis) was that I didn’t know how to ask for help. I couldn’t articulate my feelings. I didn’t even realize I had postpartum depression until I sat face to face with a therapist 18 months later. I went to see her because I was in a dark place. I was scared to have another child, I couldn’t fathom the idea of going through it all over again but I knew our family was not yet complete.

This yet to be born child forced me to dig deep and uncover what I knew all along: I was hurting. I had wounds that needed to heal. I had to face my own truths, stories, and past relationships in order to move through the pain. There was no way around it. It was time to get vulnerable and open the door to my heart and to my greatest potential. No more fear. No more judgement.

Since then I have realized I can be both soft and strong. That bravery comes in the form of vulnerability, the ability to be raw is not for the weak, it is for the mighty. And in order to feel great joy we must also feel sorrow. Now my job is to help people tap into that vulnerability, to open them up to the possibility of greater self-worth, discovery and connection.

Today I challenge you to face some of those untapped emotions. Start with writing a letter to your feelings. Dear feelings… What do you need to say? What stories are you ready to let go of when it comes to your past or present self?

And if you are feeling really adventurous you can share your feelings with someone else and deepen your connection. Today I feel…. Or when this happened I felt… Or the story I am telling myself is…(From the playbook of my Dare to Lead© training ). It works!

At the end of the day feelings are just energy. Why not release that energy to the universe? Your heart will thank you.

xo Ali

Currently Reading: White Fragility, Why It’s So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism, Robin Diangelo

Current Mantra: “Small steps lead to great things. “

Currently Eating: Fish Tacos (Sear the fish in a cast iron pan for extra flavor!)